Farewell Kinky and Pappy

April 30, 2011
Tonight, as I sit here to write this post, I have no intention of publishing it.  Although, I will... when I feel like it.  So, if you notice the date of this post, not coinciding with today's date, it is because I wanted to write, but just really "didn't want to talk about it" at the time.

I, "that mother," who swore up and down that her child would never take a pacifier past the age of 6 months, is sitting here in the recliner, after putting her baby, who is not a baby anymore, down to sleep with out his 2 pappys and his "kinky"  which just happens to be his monkey wubbanub.

This is a wubbanub.  Mills would hold him every night while going to sleep.  Every time he would see it, he would smile real big, wave it in the air, and yell, "Kinky!!"  Mills can't say "monkey" very well yet.  So he says "kinky."  I bought this thing at the baby expo.  It is supposed to help keep the pacifier in a baby's mouth.  The purpose was to sit it on Mills' chest while he sucked his pappy.  You all know of that time when babies spit their pacifiers out, and get screaming mad, because they are incapable of putting it back in.  Well that was the reason for this purchase.  Mills had become attached to it.

Mills hasn't had his pacifier during the day in months.  We just made it a point to always leave them in his crib in the mornings.  His kinky is his friend.  At night, it has just been part of his bedtime routine:  lay him down, tuck him in, say prayers, and pappy in the mouth.  Giving it to him, was just part of our routine, not to mention that it soothed him and sent him to dreamland.

Actually, I hate the things.  I have never liked them, and didn't want to give him one.  The only reason we gave it to him to begin with, was because of the SIDS risk, and after his little newborn boy "procedure," he screamed bloody murder the whole afternoon.  We had to do something.  Poor little thing.  We couldn't get it in his mouth fast enough.  Then, pappy use began.

 I really DO NOT like them.  In my profession, I see too many malformed mouths because of over use of a pacifier.  I have heard things like, "my child used one until they were...a certain age and their mouth is just fine."  I understand that. I really do, but what most people don't realize is, I see it a lot more than they do.  I know the affects of it and I don't want my child to be "that one" who has a serious malocclusion from it.  I have always thought that age one  was more than the limit and have thought it to be silly looking for a child older than 2 to be walking around with a pacifier in his/her mouth.  It drives me insane. I would be envious of those moms who said, "I can't get my child to take one."  I wish I would have been one of those, but I was not.  Even when Mills would steal his pappy out his crib, or find a spare or lost one somewhere lying around, he would stick it in his mouth, run around happily, and all I could look at him and think was, "he is too big for that and looks awfully silly."  Yep!  But that is just me.  I don't mean to offend anyone by saying so, but that is just how I have always felt about the matter.

So far, we haven't had to "break" Mills from anything.  He has pretty much given up most things on his own.  It has been a breeze.  For 8 months now, I have been meaning to just take his pacifier away.  I just couldn't do it.  He loves it at night, and I just couldn't bear the thought of him trying to go to sleep and being devastated by not having it.  I've been telling myself, "okay, the longer he takes it, the harder it is going to be."  In all honesty, I think I was just waiting on Erik to send me somewhere for a weekend, so that he could "break" him from it and I would have to hear him cry.  The question is, did he really need to be "broken" from it? In all honesty, I don't think that he is totally dependant or attached to it, but everytime he saw it, he wanted it.   I was not willing to find out, so each night, we did our routine, ending with pappy and a kiss.  I am acutally thinking that the out of sight, out of mind thing would totally work for him.  How dare we take his kinky away?

My mom and I gave a bridal brunch for my cousin this morning.  In an effort to make things easier for preparation, Mills stayed the night with Papa B and Gram. Gram called me last night wanting to know if Mills still took his pappys at night.  Sheepishly, I said, "yes."  Ugh! I just hated having to say it and was ashamed of myself.  I had sent them, but she then told me that they had put him down to see if he would actually go to sleep without it.  I was TOTALLY on board!  Hey, if they wanted to try it, I was giving them the total go ahead.  YAY for them!!!  That was the little "push" I needed.  Guess what? He did it!  No crying.  I am so glad that they decided to do the deed that I have dreaded.

As I began this post, my stomach was in knots and sad, but relieved, because I had placed Mills' pappys in the top drawer of his chest of drawers and left him without another part of his life, the dreaded pappy.  What I should have done, was throw them in the trash, but...I did not.   Another phase has or is (as long as I don't cave)  come to and end and passed.

 As I end this post, Mills is sleeping soundly in his crib without his pacifiers.  He did play a while and talk to  himself after I left his room, but he eventually went to sleep.  My fear is that he will wake and start looking for them.  Last night, he did not, so I am keeping my fingers crossed and am in hopes that I will not have to let him cry it out.  You all know that Erik and I were good at that one.  We let  him cry just 15 minutes one night when he was a few months old and he has been sleeping through the night ever since. 

So, two nights after no pappy and kinky, Mills has made it through the night.  I guess I need to just fess up and say it...no. more. pappy.  Why did I have such a hard time letting go of something that I absolutely detest?